How Painful Endings Pave the Way for Powerful New Beginnings: Lessons from 2020
Society often celebrates new beginnings, yet we rarely honor what we're leaving behind—even when it's uncomfortable or we're reluctant to let go.
During tough times, I tend to withdraw and hesitate to share on our blog or social media. Right now, in this low cycle, I'm compelled to open up before the mental fog clears or epiphanies emerge from deep introspection.
2020: the year that shattered and expanded my heart.
I'll never forget Mother Ayahuasca's message during my first plant medicine ceremony two years ago. When I asked how to open my heart to love, she whispered, “compassion.”
She revealed depths of compassion I'd never known, as I sat in our sacred circle, feeling my fellow participants' pain—wailing and purging lifetimes of hurt—as my own.
I've always been highly sensitive, a trait I once despised. It contributed to my 25-year struggle with drug and alcohol addiction; the pain was overwhelming, so I numbed it.
In bypassing pain, I numbed all emotions, severing my life force.
Reflecting on the past seven months, I'm struck by how deeply I've felt everything—not just my experiences, but those of humanity and Mother Earth. I allowed myself to break repeatedly, each time fearing I wouldn't survive.
I watched old beliefs resurface, now viewing them clearly. Built in youth for protection, awareness now lets me choose: cling to them or adopt empowering ones.
Internally transformed, my external world shifted dramatically. We sold our beloved coastal San Diego home for a tiny apartment. The travel industry halted, pausing my career.
By societal measures, it seems like regression—and my mind sometimes agrees—but growth isn't linear. Life delivers experiences toward your highest self. For me, 2020 demanded trust amid uncertainty.
A profound calling for change mirrors my inner shifts. Downsizing to a tiny apartment aids the two-year letting-go process.
Releasing what no longer serves frees space for alignment with my evolving self.
Yet letting go is hard. This year felt like “moving through sludge”—stuck, slow, painful.
With my usual tools, I sought extra support: therapy sessions with gentle anxiety reminders.
Here are those tips, plus my favorites for releasing anxiety when your mind spirals and body feels unsafe.
Practical Tips & Tools for Letting Go of the Past
Talk to Someone
Voicing feelings can be cathartic. Lean on friends, loved ones, or a therapist—we're not meant to navigate alone.
Get Into Nature
Nature is my sanctuary. Early lockdowns barred beach walks or hikes, but with reopenings and distancing, reconnect safely.
Do Something Empowering
Crucial for me: self-defense videos on YouTube rebuild control. Fear erodes agency; we can't control externals but can shape reactions.
In threats, instincts are fight, flight, or freeze (common from early trauma). Classes like kickboxing or Kung Fu retrain your nervous system.
Active Meditation & Yoga
Five years of daily meditation, yet 2020 often made stillness impossible amid unprocessed energy.
Yoga and breathwork gently release trauma and emotions.
Distractions Help Spirals
Spiritual circles sometimes scorn Netflix, but 2020 was traumatic—overwhelm for the nervous system.
No shame in calming with nature shows or therapeutic underwater films, as my therapist suggested.
Make Time for Play
Balance work with pure joy: swimming, games, creating.
Remember: This Won't Last
Change is life's constant—including emotions. This too shall pass.
